Hectic

My life has become a non stop hectic roller coaster. Between having a 2 year old who all of the sudden has a problem with listening to working 2 jobs, sleep deprivation and trying to save as much money as possible while still keeping up with the bills not to mention that I'm basically doing it all on my own with support from my parents and sister as once in a while babysitters. You know you work a lot when your child notices it. My dad asked me to come and help him with something while I was in the midst of editing and L goes "no papa mommy is working she's working ok papa," at that point I knew it was time to put the work away and have some L time. I hate when I don't always get to see her but I know that I have the best intentions. I'm trying my hardest to build a life for us. To be continued (I'm falling asleep writing this) 

The struggle GAH!

I hate when you finally feel like everything is coming together and your feeling really good about things happening in your life. And then all of the sudden you get punched in the gut! I was finally feeling like I was getting somewhere with being able to put away a good chunk of money into my savings and also be able to give my parents some "rent" money to help them out with bills and stuff. All of the sudden you get told by your biggest expense the lovely daycare that they are going to be raising their prices and your child has to be full time to keep your daycare spot. FML!! I now have to pay $220 more a month in daycare and there really isn't much I can do about it at this point it's what Most daycares around here charged and I stupidly am not able to get subsidy for daycare which I would essentially have daycare totally covered if I did because I don't work a 9-5 job my job usually starts at 2 so they won't cover daycare. Awesome! Not! So this is where being a single mother and the total supporter sucks ass! I just keep telling myself that I'm going to come out on top and I will prevail I will make it! But OMG I can't deal with anymore curve balls or expenses cause as well as this lovely increase I also have a ton of dental bills about to come up if I do actually go to my appointment which I am strongly thinking about cancelling it at this point cause this momma is pretty broke right now. 

Doing things for myself!

So lately I haven't been doing anything for myself. Everything has been working working working some more taking care of my awesome daughter doing more work and so on and so fourth. I really haven't been taking care of myself the way I should be. I wasn't wearing makeup basically I would make sure my kid looked cute and I would walk out of the house looking like a hobo. I would throw my hair up in a bun or pony no makeup and go to work. I was feeling pretty shitty and not pretty at all. I finally decided the other day that enough was enough and I need to do more for myself especially with my life getting so busy I need to keep onto of making myself feel good and healthy. Therefore I went and got some new stuff which I will blog fully about in another post but I got a face cleansing water and moisturizer. Some new make up which I love!! Which I will also put in another blog. And the best of all I started blogging again. I even took the time yesterday to do my nails which I'm pretty happy with!

I also love! My new mug that I got at chapters for $8 😁. The next step in improving my life is to start eating better and get into a workout routine. 

I'm also currently trying to save up for a down payment on a house for L and myself cause I want to finally be independent. Business is picking up which I am so excited about and I'm really just working my ass off these days to bring in as much as I can to help make the best life for L. Fingers crossed it keeps staying busy and gets even busier next year! 

It's been a while

Well it's been a while since I last posted on here. I've been trying to figure out my life and spending as much time as I can on my daughter. I've started to become very busy in the last few months with both my jobs it's stressful but great. Life is starting to go in a direction that I am happy about and I'm really looking forward to it becoming so much better.  There is so much to look forward to! 

Been lost

Well as you can all tell I haven't written in a while. I'm sorry about that I just really haven't had time. I have been so busy with work and with Love its been crazy I hardly have time for myself. Oh wait that's right I don't have time for myself! I haven't been out in I don't know how long. I feel like I'm going to treat myself one of these nights to dinner and a movie on my own just to get out of the house. First I have to get my work done which I should probably stop writing this and get back to. I will try and get back at it on here and post some more stuff in a short while.

Just Haven't Had The Time!

I just haven't had the time to get on here and keep up with posting between 2 jobs and a toddler and keeping everything together I just haven't had the time. Today we went to support my dad as he participated in a charity event. I am very proud of him for all her does, Love was a little tyrant and didn't behave very well to say the least she had a melt down in the middle of a entrance to a parking lot because she wasn't allowed to walk by herself. She is super cute and I am loving every minute I get with her!

Sorry

Sorry I haven't posted in a while I have been so busy with my daily life and struggling with my little as she is being a pain in the butt she is refusing to change her clothes its driving me nuts.

The single parent struggle

I am a single mother I don't get help from my daughters (sperm donor) as we call him. He hasn't seen her since she was 7 months old and even then he had only seen her a few times before then. I live with my parents because I can't at this point afford to live on my own between daycare and diapers there is just no way I could swing it. I'm currently trying to save up for a down payment on a house so that I can move out of my parents house I don't want to have to share a bedroom with my child when she is 3 or 4. I hate the situation in in but I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world. I got paid today and as soon as that was in my account it was gone. I'm thinking I need another job or something but then I hardly see my girl as it is. I just really need my business to start bringing in more money to make me feel better about everything. I'm hoping that it will get really busy soon as the weather gets nicer so hopefully in the next month or so. 

Getting my Sh*t together

Finally getting my Sh*t together! Went the other day and got my G1 license its been a long time coming and I've been needing to do it for years. Finally convinced myself that no time was like the present. Next on my list was to get mine and Loves room organized yes we share a room it's hard but there are no other options right now. I'm switching things around from being baby friendly to toddler friendly setting up a play area and places for her to put things away to start a cleanup chore type system. At this point Love is pretty good at cleaning she loves throwing things in the garbage which at times can be a problem she tends to throw things away that shouldn't be but we are working on that. Well better get back to this whole organizing thing before time runs out. 

Work

My child is so much fun right now she does silly little faces and laughs her ass off at the dumbest things. She's always wanting to dance and fool around and I hate that I have to miss out on this most days. Love goes to daycare during the day so In the morning I have maybe 20 minutes with her if I'm lucky. Then on a normal day I wouldn't see her till the next day due to the fact that I work mostly nights. I love when I get to make my own hours at work and can come in at 8am and leave to go get Love from daycare and have the night to spend with her. I'm hoping that in the next few months I can start working more days so I have more time with my girl. Plus then I'm not feeling like I'm sending my kid to daycare for nothing. 

What I'm listening to!

SO I thought I would do something a little different. The other day I decided to download some new music as I haven't done that in a really long time and my music was in dire need of updating. So heres  a list of what I'm currently listening too. Warning it may not be your taste in music!

- Budapest by George Ezra
- Work Song by Hozier
- Believe by Mumford & Sons
- Bungalow by Scott Helman
- Sound of your heart by Shawn Hook
- Rule the world by Walk off the Earth
- Hopeless Opus by Imagine Dragons
- Geronimo by Sheppard
- Stolen Dance by Milky Chance
- Take me to church by Hozier
- I'm so sorry by Imagine Dragons

So this is what I'm listening too I did download the whole Hozier Album and Imagine Dragons Album they are 2 of my favourite artists right now Imagine Dragons being the top! Seriously in love with Imagine Dragons but not in the stocking sense just in the I love there music and listen to it more than anything else. Well I hope you find something you like in this list!!

What do you tell your child???

One thing I have asked myself countless times is what am I going to tell my daughter when she gets older and starts asking why she doesn't have a father. Really though what do you tell you kid. I can't be like well your father abandoned us and didn't want to have anything to do with you. Ya no I can't tell my kid that. I also don't want to lie to her even though it would be easier to just say he's dead. There are no pictures of them together he's only ever seen her 6 times which accumulates to about 8 hrs in almost 2 years. He honestly knows nothing about her and has no idea how amazing and smart she is. I hate him so much not for what he did to me but what he has done to my little girl. The greatest thing I have in my life. She is honestly the greatest gift he ever gave me and I thank him for that. as much as I love that he isn't apart of our lives it's really hard knowing that he's out there spending time with his other kid he had while cheating on me and could care less about our child the one he actually planned and then turned his back on. I guess as time goes on I will figure it out. right now she calls me mommy and daddy. In this day in age I guess it's normal not to have 2 parents or to have a broken home. I honestly never imagined this life for my child I always thought my child would grow up like I did with my parents happily married for years with full blood siblings and not a bunch of half siblings some of which she will never know. Hopefully I have and will be able to give her enough love to make up for everything. 

Depression

So one thing I have almost always had to deal with in my teen/adult life is depression. I have a major depressive disorder so it comes and goes sometimes worse then others. I have been really good in the last few years not letting myself get too deep into it. I find lately that its getting really hard not to let it get to me. So I decided to make some changes in my life that will improve it. I have started cleaning out my room and getting rid of things that I don't need cluttering my life anymore. I'm also going to go this week and finally see if I can get my license! I have been putting that one off for forever but I think its time. I think some days things just feel so overwhelming and you just need to step back re-evaluate and figure out your next more!

Oops!!

This Oops is for 2 things 1 I forgot to get a blog post ready to post so this one is very late and I will have to post 2 blog posts today one now and one later. The other Oops is for the fact that my family and I went out for dinner tonight. We went and got sushi it was just my mom sister Love and I dad couldn't come. Love loves soup so we ordered her a vegetable soup and then I ordered her chicken fried rice because I knew she would eat it. When the food started coming to the table Loves soup came but it was way too hot for her to eat it so we put it to the side to cool down. I ended up scooping the rice onto a plate for her she gobbled it up and enjoyed it which I knew she would as she has had it before at other places. Finally she is able to have her soup well doesn't her face start to break out in a rash and I'm instantly like sh*t what's that from!? I totally wasn't thinking and looked at the fried rice and realized that there were tiny pieces of eggs all through it. Luckily she only had a slight reaction to it and it ended up clearing up shortly after we left the restaurant. Note to self when ordering fried rice order it without egg!!

Disappointment

I find it very disappointing when you go out of your way to plan a party for your best friend who is pregnant and after inviting over 20 people and having people RSVP only one person shows up. I had all of this food thinking that roughly 10 or more people were going to be here and I had to have my friend walk in to a surprise baby shower with one guest. Talk about feeling jousted. I even had one guest text me to tell me she would be late and making an excuse but then never responding to my messages only to find out my mom and sister saw her walking around town with her boyfriend. Seriously no respect for people who can't just say they don't want to come. All in all I'm a very pissed off person. Not just for myself but I felt so bad for my friend how shitty is it to have someone throw you a shower and no one shows up for you. I was trying to do a nice thing and feel like I would have been better off not doing anything. 

Walking With a Toddler!

Yesterday I decided that we needed to get out and go for a walk. So that's what we did we got Love and the dog and took them to the local trail and started walking. Love was so excited she had to walk the dog no one else could do it. She was so excited she felt like such a big girl walking the dog and I have to say she did a great job she held onto that leash tightly and didn't let the dog control her she controlled the dog. She did have a couple falls because she got too excited a few times and ended up running and tripping over her feet. She would cry a little and then get back up and keep going. She didn't want it to end so when we got back to the car she had a major melt down she wanted to keep walking but we had to get going so I packed her into the car and as soon as she was in and stopped crying she turned to me and said "we go for walk" so hopefully this weekend we can go for another walk !

Allergy Testing...

Lets just say this has been a very long day! So today My sis and I took Love to get Allergy tested. The day after her first birthday she had a sever hives reaction to her cake she was covered in hives from head to toe. Luckily I had benadryl in the house and quickly gave it to her and took her down to the kids emerg. So from that almost a year later we finally got in to see the allergist to see if she is in fact allergic to the things we have kept her from such as eggs and oats. So we went in to the clinic and Love started saying Phil, Phil because we watch Dr. Phil and she is obsessed with him so we had to tell her that we are at a different Dr.'s. At this point Love hates the Dr.'s we have had to make so many visits to them in the last almost 2 years that she has a meltdown every time! hence why I take someone with me to help keep her calm.
 We got put into a room and the Student Dr. Came in and started getting Love's History. We then were moved into another room where the Dr. came in and talked to me and asked me a few more questions and then we decided on what they were going to test her for and we decided they would test to see if she is allergic to eggs and oats. These are 2 things that she has had issues with in the past.
 They put liquid egg and liquid oats on her arm and then pricked her with a needle and we waited.
If she was allergic to anything it would look like a mosquito bite on her arm if she was severely allergic it would be a mosquito bite with redness around it and it would be larger. The oats came up positive and the eggs came up severely allergic.

So Love is severely allergic to Eggs to the point that they gave us an epipen for her. This is going to be a struggle but we are going to make it work I have always be cautious of eggs with her but they say that she can't have any baked good and things with eggs in them that means no pastas that are made with eggs no mayo nothing. We even have to be cautious with the flu shot!  So in another year we go back for more tests Love will be so excited! NOT!

Oh where is the time!

My dilemma right now is that I don't have the time I had a few weeks ago I'm trying to keep up with this blog and post everyday but it is getting harder and harder. I'm sorry if the posts are short but as I said I'm very busy with 2 jobs and taking care of my toddler. Hoping to get caught up with some scheduled posts shortly. I want to keep posting everyday if I can but may end up doing every other day or something like that I'm going to figure it all out eventually.

Million Dollar Arm *Review*

So all the family came home tonight and we decided we would watch a movie we looked on our on demand for something we could watch for free and we happened upon Million Dollar Arm. I have been wanting to watch this movie for some time now but wasn't sure if I would like it.

Turns out I did like it! This was a good movie although at times it did get a little slow but thankfully they had a character who made those slow parts better. I honestly think that if not for this character the movie would have been very boring. He basically made the movie in my opinion. It's always interesting seeing different perspectives from different countries.

So all in all it was a good movie if you like heartfelt sports movies. It's not for everyone. But I did enjoy it! I hope you do too!

A Few Of My Favourite Things!

So I thought I would do a few of my favourite things post just for you guys to get to know me a little better!


Favorite color : Purple
Favorite book : A handful of time by Kit Pearson
favorite movie : Secret Life of Bees 

favorite song : 
favorite music : 
favorite article of clothing : Sweater
favorite place : My Bed
favorite video game : Crash Bandicoot
favorite sport : Hockey
favorite football team : Patriots
favorite sports player : Doug Gilmore
favorite word : supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
favorite number : 13
favorite item you own : Camera 
favorite time of day : 5:30
favorite drink : Ceaser
favorite animal : Dog
favorite season : Fall 
favorite eletronic device : IPhone 6
favorite person : My Daughter

So there you go there are a few of my favorite things let me know if you have any other suggestions for a future post!!

Get Ready For Splashing!

So the other day Mom and I went shopping for Love because we knew that the warmer weather was starting to arrive and we weren't yet prepared for that as we didn't have running shoes for Love nor did we have a spring jacket and rubber boots. So out we went Mom Sis and I to go shopping for the little turd. We all ended up getting more then what we had gone out for I found a Great sale on Fleece sleepers $2.99 for a fleece sleeper couldn't pass that up so I got a few of those for next winter in a bigger size. I also ended up getting her a few dresses for the summer and some lighter pants and outfits. basically all the money I had saved by not taking my debit to work was spent on new clothes and things for Love. Which I guess if its going to go anywhere its better that it was spent on her then on something stupid. I will say I was a little disappointed when we went shopping we had the hardest time finding things in her size she is currently in 2T and we kept finding cute things and not being able to get them because they weren't in her size. One of those things being the spring jacket and boots that we wanted they only had one and it was way to small so we had to to pick between the lady bug (the one we got) that had a matching set of boots or get a jacket that was very plain and didn't have boots to go with it. All in all we got everything that we wanted to get and had gone out to get. 

A rough night

So it looks like Love has a nice rash on her V and we are pretty sure at this point it is a yeast infection we have tried our regular bum creams and it isn't doing anything for it and from all the descriptions and pictures I've seen it looks the exact same. So I came home from work last night at about 10:30 and sat and watched some tv shows with my parents who were still up and just spent some time with them. I stayed up way too late and went to bed around 1 only to have love wake up crying for me just as I was about to go to bed. She had a soiled diaper and it was hurting her so I changed her and decided to take her to bed with me which I only do when she isn't feeling well. Let's just say bad idea the last time I took Love to bed with me she feel asleep in my arms right away and it was so nice. Not this time she was climbing all over me trying to get comfy and would find the weirdest positions. And then she would say "mommy", "mommy" I would answer her and I would tell her to go to sleep but we basically did this for 3-4 hours. I got maybe 3 hours sleep last night and well I'm sure feeling it today.

I forgot to finish and publish this post so here's how it ended.

I had 3 hours sleep and was feeling pretty crappy. I unfortunately wasn't able to have a nap that day as I had appointments and our families Easter dinner. I used up all of my back up mommy energy storage to get through the day but unfortunately was very very ill that night. I slept really well that night but still felt ill the next day. fast forward to later in the week and I'm starting to get back to normal!

Leftover Turkey Soup

So this is going to be pretty rough this is the first time I have ever attempted to make up a recipe or even write one down so bare with me I'm going to try and do a couple of these a month. Hopefully they will be better than this cause as I said this is going to be rough!

So in my lovely crock pot I put the following 

- 8 Cups Water

- 4 tbsp Chicken Bouillon 

- 1 Cup Corn

- 16 oz Shredded White Turkey Meat

- 2 Cups Carrots (mine were caramelized)

- 1 tbsp Worcester sauce

- Dash Chilli Powder 

- 1 Cup Leftover Gravy 

- 1 Cup Peas 

- Salt and Pepper to Taste

Let that all cook down and add whatever you want for spices to give it more taste but the gravy helps give a good amount of flavour and isn't as gross as it sounds being in a soup. All I have to say is that it was actually really good and Love couldn't get enough of it. She loves soups but she ate a few bowls of this one. It also helped clean out the fridge from Easter dinner so that was a bonus! Let me know what you think and If you have any improvements!! 

The struggle (weight loss)

A few years back I weighed in at 256 lbs my highest recorded weight. I found out this weight on a ripleys believe it or not scale. I can still see my dads face when he saw the number and his holy s*** under his breath (he was a big man). Since that day I got myself down to my lowest which was 175 lbs my goal was and still is 150 lbs. Since my pregnancy my weight has hovered at 200 lbs. I weighed myself today and am down to 196 lbs which I am really happy about. So now begins the concious struggle to get down to 150 lbs with hard work and lifestyle changes. I've tried dieting and all that stuff but those are all temporary fixes I want to change my life and be a healthy person not only for me but to set an example for Love. I don't want her to go through what I did in school for my size I want her to be healthy and happy and active. I've started becoming more concious of my activity with my Fitbit one. Now I need to make some healthier food choices which I have started doing. I cut out pop from my life about 3 years ago that was a big thing for me as that's all I drank was Pepsi everyday all day nothing but Pepsi. I also started becoming more concious of how different junk foods made me feel after eating them such as Pringles they made me feel disgusting after eating then so I haven't eaten them on a few years. These are all little steps I am taking to make a big change in my life and I'm determined to make!

The Warmer Weather!

The warm weather is starting to arrive and that's one thing I am very happy about! The other day it was so nice out that the dog went out on the back porch to take in the night weather and Love saw her out there and started calling for her to come in the house thinking that she was going to run away or something, what Love doesn't realize is that there is no way off of the porch other than to come back in the house. So Love quickly runs to the door and is yelling at the dog to come in the house. She's getting down on the ground and banging on the floor calling the dogs name. I stood back with my mom watching her do this laughing at how cute she was being all concerned about the dog who really couldn't care less that she wanted her in the house. We let her try to coax her in for a few minutes and then told her that the dog could stay outside and that it was OK that she was doing nothing wrong. We told her she was a good girl for trying to help. I keep thinking about how much fun we are going to have this summer now that Love can walk she wasn't able to till the very end of summer last year. I'm hoping that we can get to do all the things that I have in my head like camping and splash pads playing in the park and lots and lots of swimming! Time will only tell. My fingers are crossed. I want to be adventurous this summer and be outdoors more and explore more now that she is easier to take out with me. This summer is our summer and she is getting so big and so fun to be with. I'm so pumped!!

Security blanket/stuffy

 I'm sure this is true for most of us we had this one stuffy or blanket that was with us pretty much all the time. We would go to sleep with it and take it with us on big scary adventures to the Drs. It was just always with us and usually after a couple months it was pretty grimey looking but that didn't matter to us cause it was our favourite thing and we needed it with us. 

My Security Stuffy was this brown monkey that of course I called monkey cause as a 2 year old I couldn't come up with anything better than that. Monkey went with me everywhere and I loved him He has had holes that have needed repair and he has been washed several times. He even has a missing nose. But he will always be my favourite and surprisingly I still have him today at 25 years old he still sits on my bed and when I need a little comfort I snuggle with him. 

Loves Security Blanket/Stuffy is what she calls Ducky! Ducky is her absolute favourite thing. She talks to Ducky like he knows what she is saying and answers her, she will take him and sit him beside her on the floor or on the front step when we are taking in the nice weather. My biggest fear is that Ducky will one day be missing like he has many times but that we will not find him. I have a backup ducky in case this happens but unfortunately the company who makes ducky changed there design and now ducky looks similar but instead of being all yellow he is yellow holding a white blanket. first of all while the heck would you change the blanket to white white is the hardest thing to clean! obviously the person making the changes doesn't have kids or doesn't have one who is totally and absolutely in love with this toy. So my hope at this point is that I don't ever have to replace Ducky with Ducky 2 cause she is totally going to know or that if I do have to replace him I can find the same one on eBay or something. So here is hoping that Ducky sticks around for a long time and that she grows out of needing him in a few years. 

The hardest part with Ducky is having to wash him so I have to plan how to get him away from her for him to go in the wash as he is So very much needing a bath right now. I may try and see if she will put him in the washing machine herself to let him go for his bath. Fingers crossed it works! 

Love's favourite 3 books

Love has an obsession with 3 books. We have a ton of books in our house for her to read but she always goes back to these 3 and at this point I can pretty much read them without even looking at the words because I have read them so much. They have been read so much that they are starting to fall apart in particular Quack Quack which she decided she would soak in the tub the other day while mommy looked the other way for a second. Arent kids just the cutest when they do things like that!

Spots Halloween was a book I got for of course Halloween thinking OK we will read it a few times and be done with it but oh no Halloween is over and she is still handing it to me 5 times a day wanting me to read it. Lets just say much to the covers dismay Spot doesn't go out as Super Pup. It's a pretty easy read just a few words on each page so I guess that's a plus to this book.

The next book that Love is obsessed with is Quack Quack which I have to say is really cute its one of those touch and feel books where the animals in the book have furry parts that she gets to touch. I have to say my favourite part of reading this book with her is when she takes the book and rubs her face against it and then whispers in the puppies ear Hello Puppy! We basically read this one just laugh at her interactions with the book cause it really is the cutest thing. 

The last book would be one that Love got for her birthday from her Great Grandma and Pa and again we read this one with her more for her reactions. This book is really cute its called Baby Giggle and it starts off Tickle tickle baby giggle tickle tickle toes and then you press the button and you hear a baby giggle and the book continues like this and the  last page there is a mirror so they can watch themselves giggle. My mom loves reading this book to Love because when she hears the giggle she will throw her head back like she is laughing hysterically! 

Easter Sunday!

Easter Sunday! So I did have a post ready to go but thought that I would push that for another day considering it is Easter Sunday today and that in itself is a post that should be done the day after. I was excited for this Easter because Love is a little older and a little more understanding of it than she was last year. We had our big family Easter dinner Saturday night. The one thing I love about holidays is that my family always gets together for them and have dinner together! I love family time, I love my family! My Grandparents are getting older and unfortunately my one grandmother has terminal cancer but she was able to come for Easter dinner and visit with the family. She is exhausted now but we are all happy she was here for it including her. Friday night Love wasn't feeling too well so we had only gotten about 3 hours sleep so I was pretty Exhausted Saturday but didn't have the opportunity to sleep at all before family came over  so I was very very ill that night. Sunday morning we all slept in as Love went to bed later than normal and slept in a bit. We got out of bed and went down stairs while the Easter Bunnies helper (My Mom) made sure all the Easter stuff was ready. Love got spoiled! The first thing she went for was the bag of mini kinder eggs which we had to cut her off from cause she kept asking for more. We didn't really do much the rest of the day we were pretty lazy and I Still wasn't feeling up to par. I stayed home while the rest of the family went out for dinner. That in a  nutshell was our Easter!

Love Bug

I'm on my computer and I shut the screen down that I was looking at thinking that its time to go to bed and I look and I have Love on my screen giving me a kiss/Duck face and I just sit here and think I love this kid so much I couldn't even explain it or put it into the right words. My love for her is just not describable. I often wondered with everything that happened with her SD (Sperm Donor) if I would have resentment or a small hatred for her at all but I have to say I have never once regretted having her or resented her or anything all I have for this girl is love. She really is my everything and I am so thankful for her and that I am blessed to have her in my life. There is one thing growing up that I told myself I would never do and that was I would never have an abortion. SD told me that I had to have one and I refused. I think about all those women out there who can't have babies my cousin being one of them and I just said to myself when I was younger that I could never do that to her or any other woman out there be given that blessing and then throw it away. I know that people have there reasons for doing it themselves and I will never judge anyone who does do it its not my place this is just how I feel about it. I love my girl more than I thought I could ever love anything. When I wake up in the morning to her whispering mommy, mommy, mommy from her crib and then looking over at her and her yelling MOMMY! like I'm the best thing in the world well the feeling is mutual. I hope that when she is older I can have this great relationship with her like I have with my mother, I also hope that I can show her enough love that she never feels like she missed out on anything with not having a father.

A Day with my Love Bug!

Today was so much fun I work all the time to provide for Love Bug like every other working mom but I get these awesome days off where I get to spend all day with her. I love these days and so does she! I'm so glad that the weather is finally starting to get nice! The snow is melting and the sun is shinning and its warming up. Love Bug woke up this morning calling me daddy (I hate that she calls me that) and once I corrected her that I was mommy's she would do it just to be funny and laugh. I decided that this morning we didn't have to be anywhere or do anything so we would go and lay in mommy's bed and talk but that lasted a few minutes until it was her nodding at me saying Bubble Guppies, Bubble Guppies. This kid is addicted to Bubble Guppies she even gets excited when she sees the Netflix symbol because she knows that's what I'm about to put on for her. So we watched some Bubble Guppies while mommy had her coffee and Love had her Bottle and then I decided that it was such a nice day that we couldn't waste it being inside so we went for a little walk. I have the hardest time getting Love to hold my hand crossing the road she usually stands on the drive way and refuses and will even through herself on the ground when I try to go and pick her up to cross. Today was a totally different story and it caught me totally off guard. I walked to the end of the drive way as per usual and put my hand out and low and behold Love grabs onto my hand and we cross the road together. Talk about open mouth moment of shock when we got to the other side I praised her and told her how good of a girl she was and she enjoyed that very much and continued to hold my hand walking across the road for the rest of the day!

After our walk it was nap time for Love so I put her down for that and then went and did some of my own work that needed to be done. But then I decided that momma needed a nap too. So Momma took a nap and it was sooo good I don't always get the chance to take advantage of naps so I was very glad to have the chance today.

Today our big adventure was going to the park!! Love had so much fun at the park she loved it especially the slide! she went down the little slide a few billion times. She even had her Ducky go down the slide by himself and sitting right beside her. She went on the teeter totter and laughed her butt off but then got a little nervous about it and wanted off. We then ventured over to the big side the one that curves around. The first time she went down she went with her auntie while I waited at the bottom for them and she had fun with that. On this climber to get to the big slide there are no stairs you have to climb up it on these weird things any ways auntie put Love on the platform and went to climb up but couldn't get up fast enough before Love was sitting at the top of the slide yelling are you ready are you ready and then sliding down to the bottom with the biggest smile on her face all by herself!! She immediately ran over to go back up and slide down. She went down the big slide a few more times and then it was time to go home.

We spent a little more time outside and enjoyed the day. We went in the house and Love had a bath after she went and jumped in a puddle. We watched a few cartoons and of course Bubble Guppies had dinner and then it was bed time. Love said Night Night to everyone and gave out kisses and hugs and then I tucked her into bed she was asleep with in a few minutes.

It was a GREAT day and I can't wait for more days like this!

Fitbit *update* #1

So I figure I'll probably do a few of these just to keep you guys updated on my Fitbit usage and also so you can see my progress with it.

So just yesterday which for you guys would have been a couple days ago I was looking at my Fitbit app and saw that in the sleep settings I had my Fitbit set to normal and there was a setting for sensitive so I decided that I would try sensitive and oh boy what a difference. The first picture is from yesterday's sleep and as you can see it looks like I had a pretty great sleep and wasn't very restless at all which is one reason I wanted a Fitbit so that I could track my sleeping patterns due to the fact that I can have a really long sleep but always wake up tired the next morning. So as I say this I looked at my tracker the last few nights before changing the sensitivity and it just didn't make sense to me that I was only restless for a short amount of time. Then we have the second image which shows my sleep from last night which as you can see looks more accurate. I was restless last night for 80+ min in the night and for big periods of time. The second image is what I had expected to find the first night but due to not having the settings set up properly that didn't happen. so now we will see what happens and if it continues to be accurate. 

What's in my bag!

So this would be my lovely bag Minus my recently broken shoulder strap. Oh how I miss my should strap I am a messanger bag type girl so I was very sad when it broke but a new one is on its way YAY! I looked for forever to find a bag that I liked and after looking for a while I finally found a bag that I loved on Etsy so I bought it and it lasted 4 years before it got worn enough that I needed a new one so I went back to the same seller and took a look and it just so happened that they were having a sale so I bought this bag which I love it is bigger than my last one and has pockets and zippers and everything. The bags are also good quality!

So what I have in my lovely bag is the following: Honest Company Travel wipes. A couple Honest Company diapers. daiper bags (for when your out and you have a poopy daiper you don't want to smell). Some toddler snacks. First Aid kit with an added pack of graval. A pen. A nail kit key chain. Gum, My wallet of course. Deoderant (for those days you are running behind and forget to put some one before you leave the house). Tums (heart burn sucks). Small sewing kit (not that I actually know how to use it). Hair pins, EOS lip balm. Small key chain flash light. Marker. Glasses case. Headphones. Halls. and finally mittens.

 This is the back pocket of my purse I keep all of the toddler things in there like diapers and snacks and things that way I always know where they are. It also helps me keep track of when I need to restock. 

This is my middle pocket. This is where my main items are such as my wallet. There are also 3 smaller pockets that I put my misc nicknacks. There is also a small zipper pocket that I keep my feminine products.

Finally there is the front pocket which is where I keep my mittens and halls and my business cards and such. Basically all my leftover need to access fast stuff goes here. 

June 10th, 2013 Daughters Journal Entry

June 10th, 2013

I have started my countdown 22 more days till we officially get to be together. Everyone is getting excited. Grandma has been helping me go shopping for you which has been fun she's pretty much taken over the role your daddy was supposed to play but I'm glad I have your grandma and grandpa and your auntie too. It will be interesting to see what you call your aunt. I know she just calls you IT and Fetus right now she says it's because it's the only time she will be able to do that. I'm pretty sure she has her heart set on her nickname for you. I don't know that I like it but whatever I already have your nickname which has been well established. I'm pretty sure I have gone and reorganized and cleaned our room a million times at this point. The crib is set up and ready for your arrival. I got you a fish tank sleep musical thingy for the crib so that you see fishies swimming and it soothes you to sleep (fingers crossed). I hope you are a good baby with everything that has gone on during this pregnancy with your father and things I will tell you about when you are older I hope you are a happy healthy baby. I have tried so hard to make it that way. I bought a locket the other day to replace the necklace that your father gave me for my birthday I put that away for you for when you get married in case you want to use it as your something blue. anyways bought a locket that reads I love you to the moon and back and I'm going to put your pictures in it so that I will always have you with me at all times even when you are not. I've been looking for a locket that screamed at me since mid February and I finally had this one scream so hopefully it is as good as it looks and exactly what I want. I'm going today to get my hair done for aunties college graduation which I am going to warn you again about you are to stay cooking until after the 13th we don't want to ruin her day it is very special to her and a big achievement so stay in there and you can come out a couple days after if you're ready. I am hoping that you don't come on a holiday such as Father's day, Canada day or independence day. I want you to have a birthday all to yourself so it's your own special day and I can make it super special for you every year. Anyways we will see when and what you decide.

I Love you so much!

Mommy

20 Things About Me

So I thought that it would be fun to do a get to know your blogger by writing down 20 things about me. so here we go!

1. I am 25 years old which just sounds so weird to me.

2. My Favorite color is purple

3. I didn't drink alcohol until 2 weeks before my 19th birthday

4. I love when it rains I love splashing in puddles and getting soaked while running around.

5. My favorite foods are soup and pasta.

6. When I was in high school I weighed 256lbs which was my highest weight.

7. I love the outdoors and love to go camping

8. I have 1 child a gorgeous and perfect little girl.

9. I love to give massages and was going to become a masseuse but didn't think my hands could take it.

10. I am a photographer

11. My family is the most important thing to me.

12. I still live in the town I was born and raised in and look forward to raising my daughter here as well.

13. I have always been very self conscious.

14. I have been mentally and emotionally abused by 2 people in my life

15.   I have never had a cat always had dogs

16. My favorite animal is a monkey and of course dogs

17. I had a pet caterpillar in college and I fed it until it cocooned and then when it opened I let it go.

18. I have always wanted to have a house in the country with a big vegetable garden.

19. I love to give back and raise money for charity

20. I love movies but Hate scary ones but have been trying to get myself to explore a little by watching them or at least trying to.

So there you go there is a bit about me I know it's not much but it's something. I'm sure you will get to know me more as you read my blog. 

My Pregnancy Experience

MY pregnancy experience and by that I mean the actual pregnancy itself not the shit that happened in my life during my pregnancy.

When I first found out I was pregnant I was at work I had a feeling that I might have been pregnant because we had been trying to get pregnant and were having unprotected sex and I also knew when I was ovulating. I hadn’t had my period yet I wasn’t supposed to get it for a few more days but I just felt like I needed to check. I went and bought 2 tests and took them both waited for the allotted time and looked at them and low and behold they were both positive. I had a mixed rush of emotions I was excited and scared shitless all in one. I immediately went and told my best friend who was working I had a big smile on my face that I couldn’t wipe off.

First Trimester

My first trimester was pretty easy I have to say I didn’t have any morning sickness which I was very thankful for. The only things that I had were sore nipples it sucked sleeping on my stomach but that was the way I liked to sleep. There were a couple times where I was hit in the stomach and my reaction was to curl up in a ball and cry because I wasn’t expecting either of them. The first was early in the pregnancy we hadn’t gone for an ultrasound or anything yet and I was lying in bed and our king shepherd who was still a puppy but huge jumped on me hitting me right in the stomach it knocked the wind out of me and I curled up in a ball crying on the bed I couldn’t control myself. The second time was the exact same situation and reaction I had stupidly laid on my back in bed and the same thing happened I had learned my lesson and never did that again. MY first craving was milk I hadn’t drank milk in a long time because it doesn’t sit well on my stomach but that was all I wanted for the first little while then it quickly switched to orange juice, I drank so much orange juice it was ridiculous. I would go through about 4L of orange juice in less than a week.

Second Trimester

The second trimester from what I can remember was pretty easy I had a lot of heart burn. I craved spicy food and orange juice so that was quite a mixture. I also had a lot of stressful things happen in my personal life during the second trimester so I was constantly trying to keep my life as stable as possible by trying to keep those stresses out of my life.  By the second trimester I was no longer able to sleep on my stomach boo! I was starting to feel movement but I didn't look pregnant at all especially when wearing my uniform you could only tell when I wore tighter clothes. I was tired a lot during this trimester and had to pee all the time it was so awesome haha!

Third Trimester

The third trimester was pretty easy until the end of it I never had the swollen ankles (they came after I had her) and I didn't actually start really showing until the last maybe 2 months. I worked about 30 hours a week at this point running around the store I work at as a supervisor. getting closer to the end of my pregnancy I started having hip and leg pains. I was having issues walking. I thought it was just a temporary thing but it was only temporary until I had my daughter. The worst it got was the one day my family and I were at the neighbours having a birthday party and I needed to go home to lay down because I was very uncomfortable on their couch and in a lot of pain. So I started walking to my house slowly because it hurt so bad to walk It felt like I had pulled my groin and my pelvis was ripping apart. It took me half an hour to walk across the street all well balling my eyes out because it just hurt so bad. I ended up going to the hospital that night because my parents called an ambulance to make sure everything was ok with my baby which everything was. but from then on I was off from work so I had to leave work a month earlier than I had wanted to but I wasn't able to move easily and my job is a high movement job. So I spent the last month of my pregnancy mostly in bed with a heat pack and Tylenol and minimal movement.  So all in all my physical pregnancy experience was pretty good emotionally is a whole other story I'm not going to get into. 

Taking time for yourself!

This rarely ever happens but I just felt the need after some tough life decisions I have made recently a me night was needed. Like very much needed. I've been working almost non-stop pretty much all month and yesterday it just clicked no more excuses you need a night to relax! So that's exactly what I did! I decided I would enjoy a nice camomile & lavender bubble bath while sipping on a nice cold ceaser reading my new book "Wild" it was really nice just to be able to sit and relax and read I hardly ever get a chance to read so this was very much needed. I know I need to take time for myself more often and one of the ways that I am going to try and do that is to go to bed earlier at night to get some more sleep. I find myself tired pretty much all the time! I want to make myself a list of things I want to do for myself almost like a bucket list of relaxing things to give back to myself for working hard. Maybe that can be a new post that I can do in the future a doing things for me list! I have to say it always takes me a very long time to do anything for myself it took me almost 2 years to give myself time to get my hair done. My hair had gotten so long and I really wanted to do something different than my average get it cut and straight one colour. So I went and got my hair cut short and then got my hair ombred and I have to say it took a long time to get done (about 8 hours) but I love the outcome! but since then this is the first time I took time for myself that didn't cost me over $100. It felt good and I'm going to do it again, I realize at this point I'm probably rambling so I'm going to end this here. Take time for yourself you will thank yourself later!

My favorite food to make or eat.

My all time favorite food to make and eat is soup! I love getting my crockpot out and building a really good soup! It's basically my go to clean out the fridge meal. I also love experimenting with soup and ingredients. Soups are also good for cleaning out your freezer frozen meats and frozen vegetables. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it.

I usually start out with a stock I don't use water as a base It doesn't have enough base flavour. Beef stock, veggie stock, or chicken stock but I usually go for beef stock. Then I like to have a grain or starch of some kind wether it's a noodle, rice or quinoa or even lentils. I put in as many veggies as I can we always have frozen peas and corn in the house so those are almost always in my soup I also love them. Peppers are always welcome. In my soups they add a little sweetness the options are virtually endless of what you can throw together as for spices I put in a bunch of different spices I like a little kick so I usually put in some chili powder and curry powder and usually something like a Montreal steak spice. Of course salt and pepper to taste as well. Let it all cook down and you've got your self a yummy soup that can last you for days.

I would have to say that one of my all time favourite soups that my dad makes for me is his potato leak soup and his French onion soup. My dad will cook a roast and use the drippings from it to make the stock for his French onion soup it is seriously the greatest French onion soup I have ever had. I hate when you order one at a restaurant and it comes with a bun all soggy on the top I absolutely hate soggy bread. So one thing dad does is he uses croutons and they seem to hold their form better. One of these days ill keep track of and put up a soup recipe even though there is really nothing to it.

Time where are you?

I find myself having this overwhelming feeling of not having enough time in the day. There are so many things that I would like to get done in a day but it just never happens maybe it's because I need to manage my time better which is probably true. I just find it hard to get everything I need to get done done. I feel like I need to sit down one of these days and plan my days out hour by hour of what I need to get done and really schedule myself. I really want to make this blog work so I know that I need to schedule time to keep up with it. I would also love to be able to actually finish reading a book I feel like I will start a book because I found some time but then shortly after I start it I don't have that time any more and it just gets put on the back burner. between 2 jobs cleaning a house and taking care of a growing 1.5 year old and needing sleep like most mothers me time is few and far between. I would like to be able to work out and get in shape read a couple books and maybe do some crafts and learn to sew. One day this will all be an option. I have to say I love nap times but you never know how long those are going to last. You think you have enough time to clean up a bit and then take a short nap yourself but as soon as you lay down you hear that little voice calling "mommy" "mommy" and you cry a little on the inside cause you were really looking forward to that short little snooze to get through the rest of your day. But once you see that little face all excited to see you somewhere inside you the extra energy you have no idea you had stored kicks in. In the end all the lack of sleep and lack of personal time is all worth it when your child is happy and healthy and thriving.

Fitbit one first day review!

  So basically everything you see in the image is what you get with the Fitbit one. You obviously get the Fitbit one itself you get the Fitbit clip which I got in Burgundy, The sleep wrist strap, your charging cord and a wireless sync for your computer. 

   The Fit bit can be worn several different ways you can just have it in your pocket. You can clip it onto your pants or onto your shirt or you can even clip it to your bra which is one thing that they suggest. I decided that I was going to try clipping it to my bra only because I didn't want it to show that I was wearing it while I was at work I wanted it to be discrete. I clipped it to the cup of my bra at first and the clip keeps it pretty secure so I wasn't afraid of it falling off, I realized that doing that made this bulge in my shirt where you could obviously see that I was wearing something so I moved it to the middle of my bra where the cups come together and It was very comfortable secure and discrete.
    I set my Fitbit One up to sync with my IPhone 6. so anytime I open the app it automatically updates my steps and calories and such and its very easy to read and the app is very easy to use. At this point  I love it's simplicity and I forget I'm even wearing it as it is so comfortable and small. 

    I also used it to track my sleep last night which was one thing I was looking forward to with this product because I never know if I'm sleeping well enough I have a really hard time with sleep. I love sleep I just find I never get enough and that could be just because I work to much having 2 jobs and trying to raise a almost 2 year old doesn't really give you much time for this whole sleep thing. So as I said I was looking forward to the sleep monitor. To use the sleep tracker you take your Fitbit One out of the clip casing and slip it into the writst strap you then have to press on the button on the front of your Fitbit One and hold it until the countdown starts. This puts it into sleep mode and will track how much you move around and such. One other thing I like is that it has a silent alarm so instead of having a beeping loud alarm that startles you awake in the morning it vibrates on your wrist waking you up gently. I have to say I was a little skeptical about this thinking that It wasn't going to actually wake me up so I tried it on a day where I wouldn't be in a rush to wake up and I have to say I was surprised it woke me right up at the time I had set it which as you can see from the chart was 7:30. Also you can see from the chart that I didn't get a whole lot of sleep as I only slept 5 hrs and 24min due to the fact that I worked late last night. But you can see that I had a solid sleep after a few minutes of restlessness.

   So all in all for my first day of use I'm pretty in love with my Fitbit One and will happily continue using it and will recommend it to whoever is looking at something like this. cause it is pretty awesome! 

It's on its way!!

I'm so excited! I've been wanting to get a step tracker for some time now and I have it set up on my phone that it tracks my steps but the only problem is is that I don't always have my phone on me and I can't have my phone on me when I'm at work. So after much thought I finally ordered a Fitbit one!! I've been looking at these for a while now and wanting to get one but not knowing which one I wanted to get so after much thought I decided I would go with the one which you clip into your clothing instead of the others that you wear on your wrist. Its supposed to arrive tomorrow and I'm so looking forward to it and I will defiantly be doing a review on it! 

A New Me!

So just recently I decided that I didn't want to be in a relationship any more for many reasons it just wasn't working and I didn't think that it would ever get any better than it was. I tried to keep it going and we made it a year but in the end It just wasn't the right thing. I decided that I am going to work on myself and my career and be the best mommy I can. I feel really bad for my now ex because no one saw it coming and I really didn't want to believe it was going to happen either but I had to do it.  

So now I'm going to focus on me and what I need to do to get my life together and what I need to do to provide for my daughter. I really want to be able to get us out of my parents house and I need to get my license and basically just need to become my own independent person and not rely on someone else.